Taboo Talk

Everyone in the poker world know speaking/moaning/whining about downswings is taboo. Only fish players, noobs and losing regs whine. This blog is not a whine, it's just a small talk about mindset of last 3-4 weeks. I'm doing this mainly to try to remove all the foggy thoughts in my head and have everything cleared up for next weeks/months.

First week of DS was easy. I didn't even felt it. I had just had a 9k upswing the week before so it felt very standard. Kept grinding big volume and grinding my A game. Starting week 2 I had already noticed I was DS but by the last days of the weekend I recovered the losses and transformed it from a DS to a breakeven stretch.

Third week I was exhausted mentally so i took 2-3 days off and decided to come back ready to crush. Surprinsingly (or not at all) my DS was waiting for me at the tables. The last week (currently on it) has been hell. DS so fr is 420bis in abi. 200 of this bis are mtts and 220 are 180s so it's actually super standard. Funny thing was I grabbed a bad swing in both at the same time.

Today is a break point. Downswing got to me out of poker, I had been in a funny/hard to predict mood, I'm sure my friends, girlfriend and even mother have noticed. That was the sign I had to get my mindset right. Poker is poker and swings are part of the job. It's true, biggest DS so far... but to be honest I hope this is not the biggest DS I'll ever get. Plan is to keep moving up and increasing my BR and my skills. If a 5k DS is getting to me I'll never be able to play 1k hyper turbo SNGs or 215usd+ MTTs. I don't want to be stuck in midstakes my whole life, in poker as in everything, my goal is to get better.

Volume wise March is great. 600 games so far and I've taken 2 days off this month. 120 games in average per day I decide to sit in and play. 3.5k VPPs. Goal this month is 12k vpps this month. Easily achievable at this rhythm. Hope i can get 2.4k games in at least this month, but WSOPc San Diego is gonna get in the way.

Getting to it... I'm gonna be playing some event of WSOPc San Diego. Next week I'm gonna be there crushing the tables. I'm selling some action on 2p2 for anyone interested. Made a package with sick low MU with all events I'm playing.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/184/staking-selling-shares-live/wsopc-harrahs-rincon-side-mar-15-17-a-1173991/

If anyone is interested hit me up there.

Gonna be giving updates via twitter... @BonzoC.

That's all for today, gonna be pulling an all-nighter for turbo night playing from 2usd all the way to 33usd MTTs. GL on the tables!

September Recap + Life Style

I`m gonna try to make this as easy to read as possible.

September


Started the month with ambition to grind that made me take shots to 8s as I've already told you. I felt comfortable with my game and manage to win a bit. But then i had to make a monster cashout that took me some steps behind my pace and decided to move back down until i regrind that specific cashout (more on it coming in a bit)

So results:


180s 8usd this month

180s 2.5usd this month

180s overall this month

45s 3.5usd this month

This month overall

180s since 20th of july (when I came back to my old city to grind)

My game in 45s has been a little off but I`m pretty happy with my 180s results overall 2.1kprofit in 2800sngs in 60 days sort of...

Ive been studying my game a lot lately and have found some flaws... I've been working on tighting them up and so far so good.


Life Update


2 days ago I started exercising myself. Started this routines named "Insanity" and I feel debastated (which I guess means it's working). Working out has improved my tilt control, not sure how it is related but it has.

I had a pretty sick downswing lifewise. My laptop's ventilator burned and my whole laptop stopped working... instead of spending 200usd in a 3 year old laptop im going to buy myself a new desktop... this is not the only think that stopped working for me this month, my cellphone also stopped working. So to buy a new phone and new laptop: MEGA CASHOUT. I usually cashout 500-700 in a month, this month I cashout out over 2k but I'm sure the new grind station will motivate me enough to make up for it asap.

My roll is standing once again in 900usd + 300 in stellar rewards and fpps.

I've also given me the chance to meet people. I'm a bit of a closed to new relationships guy so this is like a break through.

Excersice+NewDesktop+NewCellphone+NewPeople= Month lifewise so far.

I hope I can keep this liferhythm. I barely have time for myself. If I'm not grinding then I'm in class... If I'm not in class or grinding I'm studying my game... If I'm not studying my game or grinding or in class I'm working out... If I'm not doing any of those I'm either drinking or sleeping (basic things in life).

As soon as i get my new desktop I will post pics and specs. GL at the tables!

Money Talks

Lately I've noticed I can´t spend my internet won money. I'd never played as much as I've been playing the past 2 months, and results are great so far, but somehow I don't feel comfortable cashing out. I only cashout to pay rent, gasoline and to eat.

While I lived in Mexico City I had no problem spending poker earned money (specially live poker) but I hate cashing out my internet roll, makes me feel vulnerable. I want that number to grow and that's the only real goal I've had since I moved back to my old city. I keep thinking to myself "if I still lived with my mom and she paid everything I would already have enough roll for xxxxxxx".

I'm no longer scaremoney as I was some months ago when every dime on the table gave me a headache. I've grown a lot from there and now I play as I should've always played... fearless of money. When time comes to cashout because I NEED to pay the rent and can no longer live out of any kind of food I find along the way is when I cashout. I think I need to get ahold of my financial life and have control on my expenses.

Downswings are nothing but that: "downswings". They don't depress me anymore, they don't affect my lifestyle anymore. Same with heaters, I love them, they increase my confidence and make me feel undestructible but I know they're heaters and just play them along. Apart from all that I'm really accurate when it comes to making an educated guess on how much I'm gonna win depending on how much I'm gonna play.

I write this blog for myself. The whole intention of writing this is getting my thoughts in order and being able to work with them without making stupid decisions without thinking them over. Writing them is the best way I've found to do this so far.

Once again this blog is for me.

It is to think about how much am I going to cashout. To stop being such a "pussy" when it comes the time I need money and start planning it before the time I need food comes. The problem with this is my thirst to move up stakes.

All my pokerfriends, or a big part of those, make fun of my stakes. "LOL you play 2usd tournaments! That's 20 pesos! HAHAHA stop feeling like some kind of god, you're playing micros!".

Reality is I play micros, but I got news for everyone of you... I WIN MORE THAN YOU! Being a 400buyin bankroll nit is one thing, but not being able to dominate a level and win a lot in that level is a whole other story. Even if you play nl100+ I´m happy winning 1.5k~ a month and taking my time to move up. When I do so I'll be sure to muck you guys.

/hate

Had to get that out of my mind. That is the reason that keeps me from enjoying my money, thirst. But it's not a thirst I evoked in first place, it's peer pressure thirst. I've made a whole plan to be grinding low stakes (instead of micros) by the first days of december and im sure I will do it.

I've taken my shots in 8usd 180man and I feel pretty comfortable with my game. I'm sure im gonna crush the limit once I decide to play 3+r and 8s only. Shots were supposed to give me confidence and they did. Basically all this blog is a note to myself:

"Stick to the plan, don't rush yourself and let haters hate... or just hate them back"

(I'll get back to you in 8-12 months when I'm making 4k-6k a month in midstakes)