While I lived in Mexico City I had no problem spending poker earned money (specially live poker) but I hate cashing out my internet roll, makes me feel vulnerable. I want that number to grow and that's the only real goal I've had since I moved back to my old city. I keep thinking to myself "if I still lived with my mom and she paid everything I would already have enough roll for xxxxxxx".
I'm no longer scaremoney as I was some months ago when every dime on the table gave me a headache. I've grown a lot from there and now I play as I should've always played... fearless of money. When time comes to cashout because I NEED to pay the rent and can no longer live out of any kind of food I find along the way is when I cashout. I think I need to get ahold of my financial life and have control on my expenses.
Downswings are nothing but that: "downswings". They don't depress me anymore, they don't affect my lifestyle anymore. Same with heaters, I love them, they increase my confidence and make me feel undestructible but I know they're heaters and just play them along. Apart from all that I'm really accurate when it comes to making an educated guess on how much I'm gonna win depending on how much I'm gonna play.
I write this blog for myself. The whole intention of writing this is getting my thoughts in order and being able to work with them without making stupid decisions without thinking them over. Writing them is the best way I've found to do this so far.
Once again this blog is for me.
It is to think about how much am I going to cashout. To stop being such a "pussy" when it comes the time I need money and start planning it before the time I need food comes. The problem with this is my thirst to move up stakes.
All my pokerfriends, or a big part of those, make fun of my stakes. "LOL you play 2usd tournaments! That's 20 pesos! HAHAHA stop feeling like some kind of god, you're playing micros!".
Reality is I play micros, but I got news for everyone of you... I WIN MORE THAN YOU! Being a 400buyin bankroll nit is one thing, but not being able to dominate a level and win a lot in that level is a whole other story. Even if you play nl100+ I´m happy winning 1.5k~ a month and taking my time to move up. When I do so I'll be sure to muck you guys.
/hate
Had to get that out of my mind. That is the reason that keeps me from enjoying my money, thirst. But it's not a thirst I evoked in first place, it's peer pressure thirst. I've made a whole plan to be grinding low stakes (instead of micros) by the first days of december and im sure I will do it.
I've taken my shots in 8usd 180man and I feel pretty comfortable with my game. I'm sure im gonna crush the limit once I decide to play 3+r and 8s only. Shots were supposed to give me confidence and they did. Basically all this blog is a note to myself:
"Stick to the plan, don't rush yourself and let haters hate... or just hate them back"
(I'll get back to you in 8-12 months when I'm making 4k-6k a month in midstakes)
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